Subject: Grail: "The Great Brightness"; "Foolish Pride"
"Foolish Pride" by: Lt. Brennan.
<<Stardate: 47307.30 - 09:30>>
<<Bridge>>
Kait had seen that glare of white-hot fury before in her life, and it shook
her to the core every time she had the vicarious experience . She had
learned to try to ignore it, to disregard it, because it was only in the bad
people that she had seen it in. Only her avowed enemies and contemptible
relations, had held her in such hostility, and that was not something to
feel sorry for causing or someone to have sympathy on. Quite the opposite.
Similarly, in fact, she was glad that she had been able to shake them up
that much, for the simple fact that it showed she was in control, which
would make victory hers.
At least, at first she had felt this way, but now there was a gnawing ache
of regret in her chest, and she knew that it was different because Epic
Terrakian was not her enemy, he was not a bad person. She had never thought
about that, she only knew that his views totally clashed with hers. She
couldn't acquiesce any more than she could give up a chance for an argument.
Even if what happened could be considered her victory, it would've tasted
sour in her mouth, anyway.
It was not her victory, though. The Captain could do as he damned well
pleased, and to hell with her. It was the most aggravating thought. The
purpose of her little show in the observation lounge was not to make the
captain angry, or else she could have counted it as her victory, but rather,
it was what made her attempt to advance her point such an utter failure.
It
was because once emotions got thrown in the mix, nothing could go as it
should. Her only hope had been to reverse the decision to invoke order 30
in this case, but now there was no hope of her position ever being
considered, much less exercised. If the beloved Gods could give her one
ounce of Their strength, she would find some way of doing the best she could
in this situation, now that the decision was finalised. She would apologise
to the captain and make it up to Cmdr. Hargen.
Kaitlyn moved to the engineering station. She attuned herself to sensing
the Captain's emotions, but she found that there was no longer any rage, but
it was now pure exasperation. Kaitlyn found herself flickering between
concentrating on the station's readouts, and between contemplating what
to do about that little confrontation.
Kait could not willingly humiliate herself by taking the total blame for
what had happened, but she needed to take a portion of the blame without
being too obstinate, nor groveling at his feet for forgiveness. It was for
this reason that she decided that writing a letter would be the wisest
avenue to take. With a letter she could read, re-read, and edit a million
times before coming up with the perfect means of making amends. It promised
a greater chance of success than a verbal confrontation to the same effect,
because the Captain might be indisposed to having a confrontation of the
same sort again.
In order to ensure sufficient privacy for writing such a letter, Kait
momentarily abandoned the engineering station in favour of withdrawing to
her quarters. Once inside, she began writing her letter, making sure to
mention the word "apology" at least once, but no more. It was nearly a half
hour before Kaitlyn was completely satisfied with the letter, even though
it was quite concise.
Afterwards, Kaitlyn decided to make a trip to Main Engineering, and hope
that she could reconcile her differences with Hargen enough to make a
contribution. Kaitlyn re-read the letter she had just written, before
sending it off. The screen read as follows:
=/\= Transmission Initiated =/\=
Dear Captain,
My behaviour earlier was unwarranted, and, by all means, unacceptable. If I
had my objections, I should have voiced them in private, and not with such
brazen impertinence, sir. I do apologise and the only explanation I can
offer you is that it was only my foolish pride that sparked me into
defending the prime directive, as I perceived its applicability, so
vehemently. The manner in which I spoke to you was recklessly discourteous,
and I wanted to rescind that by making sure it _never_ happens again.
Sincerely,
Lt. JG Kaitlyn Brennan, Asst. Chief Engineer.
=/\= Transmission Terminated =/\=
(OOC: Don't concentrate too hard on the word "terminated", my dear Captain.
*smiling*)