Subject: Grail: "The Great Brightness"; "Foolish Pride"

"Foolish Pride" by: Lt. Brennan.

<<Stardate: 47307.30 - 09:30>>

<<Bridge>>

Kait had seen that glare of white-hot fury before in her life, and it shook

her to the core every time she had the vicarious experience . She had

learned to try to ignore it, to disregard it, because it was only in the bad

people that she had seen it in. Only her avowed enemies and contemptible

relations, had held her in such hostility, and that was not something to

feel sorry for causing or someone to have sympathy on. Quite the opposite.

Similarly, in fact, she was glad that she had been able to shake them up

that much, for the simple fact that it showed she was in control, which

would make victory hers.

At least, at first she had felt this way, but now there was a gnawing ache

of regret in her chest, and she knew that it was different because Epic

Terrakian was not her enemy, he was not a bad person. She had never thought

about that, she only knew that his views totally clashed with hers. She

couldn't acquiesce any more than she could give up a chance for an argument.

Even if what happened could be considered her victory, it would've tasted

sour in her mouth, anyway.

It was not her victory, though. The Captain could do as he damned well

pleased, and to hell with her. It was the most aggravating thought. The

purpose of her little show in the observation lounge was not to make the

captain angry, or else she could have counted it as her victory, but rather,

it was what made her attempt to advance her point such an utter failure.

It

was because once emotions got thrown in the mix, nothing could go as it

should. Her only hope had been to reverse the decision to invoke order 30

in this case, but now there was no hope of her position ever being

considered, much less exercised. If the beloved Gods could give her one

ounce of Their strength, she would find some way of doing the best she could

in this situation, now that the decision was finalised. She would apologise

to the captain and make it up to Cmdr. Hargen.

Kaitlyn moved to the engineering station. She attuned herself to sensing

the Captain's emotions, but she found that there was no longer any rage, but

it was now pure exasperation. Kaitlyn found herself flickering between

concentrating on the station's readouts, and between contemplating what

to do about that little confrontation.

Kait could not willingly humiliate herself by taking the total blame for

what had happened, but she needed to take a portion of the blame without

being too obstinate, nor groveling at his feet for forgiveness. It was for

this reason that she decided that writing a letter would be the wisest

avenue to take. With a letter she could read, re-read, and edit a million

times before coming up with the perfect means of making amends. It promised

a greater chance of success than a verbal confrontation to the same effect,

because the Captain might be indisposed to having a confrontation of the

same sort again.

In order to ensure sufficient privacy for writing such a letter, Kait

momentarily abandoned the engineering station in favour of withdrawing to

her quarters. Once inside, she began writing her letter, making sure to

mention the word "apology" at least once, but no more. It was nearly a half

hour before Kaitlyn was completely satisfied with the letter, even though

it was quite concise.

Afterwards, Kaitlyn decided to make a trip to Main Engineering, and hope

that she could reconcile her differences with Hargen enough to make a

contribution. Kaitlyn re-read the letter she had just written, before

sending it off. The screen read as follows:

=/\= Transmission Initiated =/\=

Dear Captain,

My behaviour earlier was unwarranted, and, by all means, unacceptable. If I

had my objections, I should have voiced them in private, and not with such

brazen impertinence, sir. I do apologise and the only explanation I can

offer you is that it was only my foolish pride that sparked me into

defending the prime directive, as I perceived its applicability, so

vehemently. The manner in which I spoke to you was recklessly discourteous,

and I wanted to rescind that by making sure it _never_ happens again.

Sincerely,

Lt. JG Kaitlyn Brennan, Asst. Chief Engineer.

=/\= Transmission Terminated =/\=

(OOC: Don't concentrate too hard on the word "terminated", my dear Captain.

*smiling*)