Subject: Grail: "Last look back" - "Toxic insights"

(continued from "Victory favors the bold")

As Dr. Ramin's consciousness began to fade away, he started to feel =

pretty awful. Then he felt nothing at all.

He saw himself in a desert, like the Bulusarian desert in Thairia. No =

sea or mountainsd around, there were a few dunes and the sun was at its =

highest point. No living creature was there. Open sky with no clouds and =

heat was real hard.

Oku Ramin stared at the sky. Then he turned his eyes down as he saw a =

figure emerge from the white sand. The figure started to take shape, =

humanoid shape, but no defined species (like changelings when they are =

in humanoid shape). What he could see was that the figure was male, 7 =

feet

tall, not fat not lean. He had no hair. His eyes were as black as space. =

He wore lika a japanese kimono, but white, white as snow reflecting the =

sunlight. He also had a cane, a wooden cane, straight and hard.

"Who are you?" asked Oku, estranged.

The figure looked at him and smiled. His black eyes looked back at Oku =

and then smiled. That face seemed to Oku like Dosha Himself was =

revealing to him.

"I am the Truth" the figure replied. "I am your Truth"

Oku kneeled, looking down. "Holy Dosha" he said, reverently.

"You don't need to call me Dosha, Jesus, Kahless, or Surak... I am just =

the reflection of the Universal Truth upon your essence. Come on, raise =

yourself."

Oku raised himself, as if he were ordered by the captain to stand still. =

"You are here" the figure said, calmly "You can ask"

"Ask what?"

"Ask the questions for the answers you need"

Oku felt as if the Gates of the Gotara, where Dosha lives, were opening =

to welcome him and only him. He felt so light, so free that if he wanted =

he could jump and fly like a bird. But he was there, he couldn=B4t speak =

at all.

"I can see through your silence" the man said. "You want to ask, but =

your mind can't give credit to this. Remember, Oku. The senses are =

bodily, and the mind has no limits. You see now with the eyes of your =

mind. Speak through you mind."

Oku opened his lips and as a shy boy said "Why... Why am I on the =

Grail?" "Oh Holy One, enlighten my soul"

The figure smiled to Oku as a father does when his child shows him an =

accomplishment or a done work.

"Oku, you know that already, but your guilt doesn't let you be. You have =

to let the guilt go."

"But... it's two milion lives and I can=B4t just...!"

"Oku, you have to" the figure interrupted Oku softly "let it go. Guilt =

is like a burden, a curtain. If the way up is so heavy, you have to =

reduce your weight. If it's too dark, you must light the way."

"And..." replied Oku after a few seconds "How do I do that?"

" The ways of the body are long and useless, but the ways of the spirit =

are subtle and act quick. You feel guilty because you consider yourself =

so. Let it go. Forgive yourself."

Oku was startled. It seemed at the same time so easy and so =

complicated... "How to forgive myself?" he thought.

"The Universe, my son, is energy, moving. Feelings are energy, also. =

Vulcans say lack of feelings gives you control and yes, they are right. =

But you can feel what you let yourself feel. You need not to feel guilt. =

What was done it is already done. It's in the past. You can't change it =

(for no time travel is available to you nor the vast majority of =

beings). Your regret and penitence are sincere. The Universe forgives =

you. Then you have to forgive yourself and you will see the voices will =

go away."

The figure started to walk towards Oku, who was ten feet away. The =

figure took his white cap out and let himself see his whole head, =

revealing a very white, long beard.

"Let it go, Oku, to fulfill your mission" And the figure put his hand =

onto Ramin's left shoulder.

"What mission? asked Oku.

Suddenly, everything started to fade, blacking out. He felt a pinch in =

his left shoulder and then heard a starship door opening and closing =

again. He was feeling himself again. He realized he was lying on the =

floor, but he didn't remember how did he got to lie there. He opened his =

eyes. He saw the USS Indiana captain's ready room empty, except for the =

PADD he had in his chest, with a note "thanx, see ya, Corvette" and the =

hypoinjector beside his right. He stood up, grabbed his stuff, got =

through the door and pressed his comm.

=/\= Ramin to Grail, beam me up, please

Then he was beamed up to the Grail.

<later>

Oku Ramin was in Ten Forward, sitting alone, next to the table where =

some officers were chatting. He recognized Dr. St. Claire there, along =

with some other crewmembers. But his mind was somewhere else. He was =

staring at the window, looking the stars. He turned again to see Dr. St. =

Claire et al. chatting and toasting. He wished he were there, but some =

strange force didn't let him join them. He turned his sight again to the =

stars. A glass of Ferengi soda was his only companion. But, as it sall =

be in those cases, his mind was not aboard the USS Grail...