Subject: Grail: "Unexplored Spaces"-`There Can Be Only One'

Subject: Grail: "Unexplored Spaces"; "One Too Many Times"

"One Too Many Times"

Kaitlyn Brennan awoke, and looked around the unlit room. It was empty, n

in the sense of the material, because the room had scattered about it a f

childhood items, such as a statuette of a tiger, a baby doll with blonde

hair, and a raccoon stuffed animal. All very cute, and when she was a

child, she thought she wouldn't be able to live without them. This tho

ught

brought a smile to her face. Also in the room was a few religious articl

es,

but they did not cast away the spiritual emptiness in the room, because t

ornaments were more symbolic than they were functional. =20

A few pictures that she had recently unpacked and placed neatly on stands

were also quite visible. The stand next to her bed held a picture of

Kaitlyn standing with her family in front of a large, but beautiful fount

ain

near their home on Betazed. Her mother was holding a baby Cody in her arm

and Kara with her long, beautiful hair was holding her father's hand.

Kait

was staring at the ground, with a very frustrated expression on her face.

She remembered that day because her father had just scolded her for not

standing still before that picture was taken. Kait could only have been

four or five years old that day. =20

Farther off, there was a picture of the evening sky on Betazed. Kait kep

it not for any special meaning it had held, but simply for its beauty. I

nto

the living area, though she could not see it from where she was laying,

there was a picture of Ensign Kilent Pursean, better known simply as Purs

ean

to her. Not even having to see the picture, but knowing it was there,

brought back a rush of unwelcome memories. Not just of how she felt when

was there, but after he was gone, too. And remembering that, might only

bring those feelings back, so it was best to forget.

Kait Brennan stood up and walked around her room, hoping that the energy

required to move so soon after waking up would block out any thoughts. I

was successful to a minimal degree. The thoughts still hung in the back

her mind, but thoughts of work and duty took the forefront. She had done

what she needed to do at that time, and it was not her fault. She had tr

ied

to help him, because she loved him, and it had gotten her seriously burne

by her superior officer. She only regretted that she was not able to do

more, and that emotions made her careless. Perhaps if she had been bette

able to detach herself, then she wouldn't even be on this cursed ship.

But

once she became attached to a person, it was next to impossible to revers

that. And she couldn't resent herself for who she was. It was not one

her worse qualities. =20

Kestra was an example of how it could be beneficial to the other person.

The girl looked so lonely, in so much need of a friend, that she did not

stay bitter even in light of Brennan's tactless admonishments from time

time. Kestra needed a friend, and right now, Kait couldn't reverse the

need

to be her friend. It was not because of any true kinship in the blood, b

of one in the heart. Kait Brennan felt a need to protect all of her

engineering staff. Just as she had with Ensign Jerome Bryant, when he wa

in his time of need. Right now, it was Kestra Prynne's turn, and Kait

now

had a mission to see Kestra, to see how she was faring under this dreaded

infection.

After walking out of her quarters and into the corridor, it was immediate

apparent that it was night shift, as there was not much change from her

completely unlit room to the dim reflections of the lights onto the

bulkheads. It hadn't taken but a short moment to adjust her eyes to th

brighter surroundings, which had been unexpected. She walked down the

corridors, concentrating her thoughts on this mission, and hoping that no

of the medical staff would find reason to object to her night-time visit.

She walked inside the turbolift with a distracted ensign, who looked to b

e a

few years older than she. He didn't look at her at first. Brennan ord

ered,

"Sickbay", and the turbolift continued its descent. She looked over at t

Ensign, and as he looked up, their eyes locked. Kaitlyn could hear muffl

words, they were his thoughts. The sound she heard had a nice consistent

rhythm, but the words were unintelligible noise. As interesting as it wa

the few times that she was able to hear someone's thoughts, it was just

well when it was over. Kait Brennan doubted that she would be able to st

and

any prolonged version of that type of situation.

The turbolift doors opened onto the corridor leading to Sickbay. She lef

the older Ensign behind and at the same time, she left his thoughts. The

silence that ensued was equally disturbing. It reminded her of that one

mysterious message: "silent like the sound of a proceeding cyclone." It

was

an almost ominous feeling she experienced while walking into sickbay. Sh

was afraid of a doctor making an approach and ordering her to leave. But

she walked in, there wasn't a doctor to be seen. Until she made her wa

farther into sickbay where she could see the cornered office with a docto

sitting at the desk. He looked up and saw her, but did nothing to show a

desire to kick her out of Sickbay. That might not last long, so Brennan

walked up to Kestra immediately. Not desiring to waste a moment of time,

she tried to think of a way to let the girl know that she was there.

However, when Kait tried to touch Kestra's hand, the repulsing effect o

f the

containment field prevented such contact. Trying instead for mental

contact, Kait concentrated on Kestra's thoughts. Kestra's thoughts w

ere

much calmer than the last time Kaitlyn remembered seeing the girl. It wa

an unnatural calm, because inside her dreams, there was a raging storm.

The

lightening, that perhaps some could enjoy, reminded Kait more of being

symbolic of destruction and a dangerously powerful force. But her center

focus was all wrong. The rain, the wind, and the light rhythmic song wer

all intrinsic factors in creating a calming effect. Oddly enough, the

rhythm of the rain seemed to play in accompaniment with an xylophone-like

instrument playing a melody all too like a lullaby. No wonder Kestra was

sleeping like a baby now.

Brennan, though she originally had intentions of talking with Kestra,

decided to leave Kestra be. Kestra was lying there too peacefully for

Brennan to even think of disturbing that. But she did not leave. She

leaned against the biobed next to Kestra and tried to share Kestra's fe

eling

of peacefulness. Kaitlyn closed her eyes. Several moments later when sh

opened her eyes again, she could see Kestra staring up at her. =20

Brennan, recovering from her initial surprise, asked Kestra, "How are you

feeling?"

Fatigue was still written all over Kestra's face, but that once peacefu

state of mind was in the past. And as that comfort was ripped away from

Kaitlyn, she could no longer suppress memories that she had thought were

long buried, but for some reason, chose to revive themselves now. The

memories flashed through her mind's eye with such vividness that she ba

rely

saw Kestra shrug with uncertainty. Kaitlyn closed her eyes, and blacked

out

these images.

"Are you okay?" Kestra asked in a soft but worried tone.

"Yes," Kaitlyn lied. It seemed the girl did have some Betazoid empathic

powers. -Or am I that obvious?- Kaitlyn wondered.

The fact was, right now Kait was that obvious. With her guard being down

and her emotional calm shattered, the placid expression she always bore d

not come quite as naturally.

Kestra, because of this, was not fooled in the least. However, Kestra ch

ose

not to invite any further denial from her cousin. Instead, she chose to

make it seem as if she changed the subject.

After several moments of deliberation, Kestra chose her words wisely and

asked thoughtfully, "Have you ever felt an emotion so strong, that=85 it

overwhelmed your body and made it practically incapable of containing=85

dispiriting emotions?" Even though Kestra had to speak slowly, her words

carried a lot of meaning and were sure to bring an interesting response.

least that's what Kestra hoped.

"I don't cry," Kaitlyn replied simply.

It would've been an otherwise uninteresting response, except for what i

revealed. Kestra had mentioned nothing about crying, and yet, Kaitlyn kn

what she had meant in her description. That kind of understanding could

only come from experience.

Kestra stated, "I know better, Kaitlyn. Everyone cries at one point in

their life. Everybody."

Kaitlyn was surprised by Kestra's change in attitude. Kestra almost sp

oke

as if she were Brennan's superior.

"You're right, Kestra. When I was two years old, my sister grabbed my

toy

from me, and, believe me, did I cry then!." Kaitlyn exclaimed sardonicall

Kestra looked completely hurt by Kaitlyn's condescension, and Kaitlyn

immediately felt a pang of guilt. Despite her intentions, Kait had done

more harm than good here.

The doctor, who had once been sitting at his desk, came up to her and ask

her to allow the patient to get some rest. Kaitlyn acquiesced, but great

wished she didn't have to do so. She still wanted to make up for any h

urt

that she might've caused. Yet things did not always go as desired,

especially for Kait it seemed, and she was left feeling agitated for quit

some time.

She returned to her quarters and a few hours later, she reported to

Engineering. =20

Upon arriving, she found Ensign Ladun and Wilson talking about their

encounter with the smell of dead, rotting bodies while crawling through t

Jeffries Tubes. At first, Brennan had reason to be alarmed, but found ou

that their stories, while exaggerated, were accounts of a funeral that ha

taken place earlier.

Instead of occupying themselves with any pointless tasks, Kaitlyn Brennan

and K'tel found that the only productive thing to do was to continue th

cloaking device simulations; they continued at this until reports of

replicator malfunctions distracted them.

"Rogers to Engineering. Something is wrong with the food replicators in

the

mess hall," the call had come from her comm badge.

There was an inaudible exclamation before the man continued, "Anyway, do

you

think you could shut off power to them and send someone down to examine

them? It would be much appreciated."

"Yes, We'll get right on it," Brennan had responded automatically.

Instead of sending someone else, as would have been the norm, she chose t

handle the problem herself, since she was tired of working on the same ol

task all the time. She walked to a nearby console and shut off power to

the

replicators in the mess hall.

She went to the mess hall, and upon entering, she found the worms from so

Ferengi dish crawling all over the floor. The crewmen spending their tim

off in the mess hall did not seem to be faring too well. =20

A man hurried up to her and introduced himself as Vincent Rogers. Kaitly

ran her tricorder over the replicators, and was surprised to find that th

ere

was no mechanical malfunction. The replicators had been previously

programmed to output the Ferengi dish.

"It's probably someone's idea of a practical joke," she informed Yeom

an Rogers.

He sighed, shaking his head. "Anything to make my life difficult," he mu

ttered.

Brennan simply deleted the pre-set, looping order to replicate the Fereng

dish, and eradicated the recipe for it from the computer's systems, jus

t to

be sure. =20

Brennan was accustomed to the earlier models of replicators that were

incapable of reproducing any living organism. The improvement on

replicators was not much of one, and this mess hall would not have suffer

much if it were to do without that little option that Ferengis and Klingo

liked so much.

After she was finished, she returned power to the replicators and did a t

est

on them before leaving. Yeoman Rogers thanked her for her help, and Lt.

Brennan then chose that time to leave.

When she re-entered Engineering, Kaitlyn was greeted with Ensign Robert

Delagi's smiling face. He had a very startling appearance, and was ver

much out of uniform.

"My gods!" Kaitlyn exclaimed. "You look like the undertaker!"

Ensign Delagi chuckled in his composed deep voice at this. He had just

returned from one of his holographic simulations, where he played a WWII

general. His ominously dark trench coat and his matching dark skin made

him

seem almost a shadowy phantom rather than a human being.

Recovering from her initial stupefaction, Brennan queried, "Shouldn't y

ou be

in uniform, young man?"

Ensign Delagi, smiling, waved his hand at her non-chalantly, "Nonsense,

there's nothing to be done here, and you know it."

Lt. Brennan stared at him inquisitively, then concluded, "Still, Starflee

protocol will not be waived here. You are on duty, and expected to be in

uniform. Get to it."

Robert Delagi turned and headed towards the exit to Engineering, walking

if he were completely unphased. She would have punished him so that he

would not act so flagrantly unconcerned with the accepted conduct of an

officer, but she could not hide her amusement, and felt that such a littl

offense was not worth getting in a tizzy about.

Lt. Mallory visited Engineering later in the shift to work with Ensign

K'tel, but towards the latter end of the shift, there was nothing to re

port

externally. Kaitlyn had spent the time thinking about what Kestra had sa

id,

and allowing the memories that she had once suppressed that morning to re

turn.

She remembered standing in Engineering debating something in her mind tha

should never have been considered: which was more important to her, her

sense of duty or her one true love? She never did make the decision unti

the last moment, when it could only be done on the spur of the moment.

Pursean gave the signal on her console that he was ready to go. Kaitlyn

did

the old trick of playing the feedback loop into the sensors, in order to

allow him time to get away. No one in Engineering, no one on the Bridge

knew the better. Yet all they would have had to do was take a look outsi

the window and they might see his shuttle leaving the docking bay. As so

as she could detect that he went into warp, she eradicated all electronic

traces of the connection between the engineering console and sensor contr

ol,

and then she did the same with Pursean's digital beep that he had sent

her

twice as a signal to the console, also. =20

Kaitlyn had done all this with a cold emotionless stare at the console'

output. In contrast to this, her emotions had been warring inside. She

had

made the decision to abandon her duty as an officer. Guilt and worry too

over. She looked around the small engineering room. No one seemed to

suspect anything. It was near the end of her shift, and when she left, s

thought for sure that no one would find out. This was only to be proven

wrong. The chief engineer knew what she had done, and knew that it wasn'

the first time that she had tampered with the sensor logs. It did not se

to be any generosity or soft feelings for her that kept him from reportin

her directly to the captain; it was his desire to see her squirm, and his

desire to let her know that he had her fate completely under his control.

She never knew how he figured out sometimes when she tampered with the

sensor logs. There was no trace to be found, but it was almost as if he

knew before it happened. Perhaps it was a paranoid notion, but she could

n't

help suspecting that he monitored her personal communications. She could

not acquire access to a security frequency above his.

The chief engineer had not stopped her from having access to the sensor

logs; it was perhaps as a test to see if she would try it again, and she

had. However, he was not as "nice" as he had once been. The Captain had

been already warned and prepared for this and Pursean was recaptured. It

was a quick response, and the matter was resolved within the hour. Kaitl

was restricted complete access to the computer until then. The Captain

heard her out, and the Chief Engineer chose not to mention previous

infractions of hers. None of what had happened had been placed in her

record. The Captain had been far more understanding and forgiving than s

had deserved. And her chief engineer, afterwards, made it quite obvious

that he expected some form of payment back for his "protection" of her.

was the form of payment that Kaitlyn was far from willing to give. And o

nce

this became obvious to her superior, he had her shipped off to the Grail.

It wasn't just to get rid of her, but to curse her, she later found out.

Kaitlyn almost wished that it had been put on her record. She might've

been

cast out of Starfleet rather than placed at the butt end of it, and she

wouldn't have to suffer the torment of keeping the secret that laid onl

y in

her heart. It would've been better for Pursean if it had not shown an

attempted escape before his being brought to trial for his dealings with

the

former Maquis. It was all her fault that he had to suffer as he did, and

was all her fault that they would never see each other again. Kait fough

back the tears that threatened to overwhelm her at this last thought. Sh

maintained her composed facade and found that by doing so, she still had

failed to prevent the oppression of a broken heart.

Kaitlyn worked the last hour of her shift in torment, waiting for her shi

to end before she could escape any possible scrutiny. She wanted to esca

to her quarters and wallow in her sorrows: something that she hadn't do

ne in

a long time, and something that she felt that she deserved to be able to

once in a while. It kept her barely attained sanity.

Kaitlyn Brennan, Asst. Chief Engineer, USS Grail

Lynne Baillie, "Chief Engineer", USS Trailblazer

ICQ #6664187, IRC Nick (Undernet)--Kestra

Get on IRC--Visit http://www.mirc.co.uk today!